


(Tell Me) I'm Enough

by straytiny_n_ctzen



Series: The Kids Will Be Alright, Eventually [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Attempt at Humor, Coming Out, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Genderfluid Character, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, If you want you can imagine Donghyuck gushing about Mark when he's talking to Renjun, Implied Aromantic Character, Internalized Acephobia, Jisung took love advice from fanfics, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Miscommunication, NCT Dream Ensemble-centric, No Mark Lee (NCT), No One In This Is Straight, Other, Picnics, Self-Acceptance, Zhong Chen Le-centric, bi character, but important to me that you know, if you squint you can see it, it's what i do, love advice from your local aro, that's not mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 20:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17649611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straytiny_n_ctzen/pseuds/straytiny_n_ctzen
Summary: Chenle and Jisung have their first kiss - it doesn't go as planned.





	(Tell Me) I'm Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is heavily based off of my own feelings and experiences as an asexual person, so this is by no means accurate representation for everyone.
> 
> Also this is very personal bc I wrote things that I needed to hear myself when I was figuring things out, but also stuff I wanted to hear from my ex back when we were dating but she never really told me.
> 
> This did help me, and I hope it can help others too - and if not, then I hope this at least entertains you for a few minutes :)
> 
> PS Chenle is gay/ace, Renjun is aro/ace, Jeno is bi, Jaemin is genderfluid, and Jisung and Donghyuck are gay. These are all labels with which I (used to) identify

Chenle flitted through his closet, looking for something appropriate to wear for his date.

He and Jisung had been steadily dating for some time now, and Chenle really liked the boy. But the most they have done up until now was cuddle at home, and hold hands in public. He would love to kiss Jisung - he was ready to take that step - but he did not want to set the other up for disappointment, so he hadn't made a move yet.

“Guys, what do I wear?!” Chenle whined at his phone, on which he was video calling his two best friends. “I've worn my best things on our previous six dates and I have no time to shop!”

“Le,” Jeno interrupted, “Jisung will probably think you look good no matter what you wear. You worry too much.”

“He's right,” Renjun chimed in. “Though I don't see how.”

Chenle shrieked at the insult and threw a bundled up shirt at his phone. “Don't be mean, I'm having a crisis here!”

“Show us your sweaters again,” Jeno requested.

Chenle dived back into the pile of clothing and picked up his wide variety of sweaters to show his friends. “Why sweaters?”

“Because it's casual and thus suits the feeling of your date.” Jeno shrugged. “And you look cute in them.”

“I know I look cute in them but don't you think that it's a little too casual?” He eyed the colourful fabrics.

“No. Hey, what about that dark blue sweater? With the yellow letters?” Renjun offered. “Or that grey hoodie. Oh, you can wear your yellow button up underneath it.”

“Why do you want me to wear yellow details?” Chenle mumbled. But he took out the mentioned clothes anyway and dumped the rest back onto the floor. He looked the sweaters up and down with a critical eye and proceeded to fling the hoodie over his shoulder.

“I'm gonna wear this one. Thanks for your help, guys. I'll text you once I'm back home from my date.” Chenle laughed at the protests that came through his phone and ended the call with a small wave.

He'd get his ass beaten the next day at school.

 

Chenle arrived at the park's entrance with ten minutes to spare because of the shitty bus schedule in their town, and played a game on his phone to pass the time.

His stomach was doing flips and his leg couldn’t seem to stay still. He was excited to see Jisung again.

They met during a party Jeno had organised, since they didn't attend the same school. Jisung had stood at the sidelines for most part of the evening, not really talking to anyone and looking quite out of place in general, so Chenle had taken it upon himself to entertain the taller boy despite not knowing him. The two talked and talked the entire evening, and exchanged numbers when Jisung eventually had to go home. They ended up texting the rest of the night.

“Hyung!”

He looked up to see the younger jog up to him with a shy but bright grin on his face. Chenle smiled back automatically.

“Hi,” he greeted when Jisung stopped in front of him.

“Hi,” Jisung greeted back, a little breathless.

Chenle glanced his date up and down. He was only wearing a white shirt, blue button up and some jeans but he still looked effortlessly handsome.

He blushed slightly and vaguely motioned to the park. “Shall we go?”

Jisung nodded and hooked Chenle's pinky in his own as they walked, looking for the best spot to have their picnic.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, and the temperature was still low enough to keep most people inside, but it was deemed perfect by the two boys.

They readied everything once they found a good place, and Chenle could tell Jisung had prepared a lot for this. The younger took out dish after dish and snack after snack. Chenle felt a bit bad because all he had were some snacks and a couple of drinks.

“That's uhm… a lot.” Chenle fiddled with his watch.

“Yeah, mama didn't let me leave unless I took this all with me,” Jisung looked sheepish. “But it's okay if we don't finish all of it.”

Chenle nodded and inspected all the food stalled out on their picnic blanket. He'd probably eat very little tonight by the looks of it.

He glanced at Jisung with a smile and they started eating slowly. As they ate, they talked about this and that and everything and nothing, and Chenle could feel himself fall deeper for the younger.

He took note of how Jisung's eyes sparkled when he talked about dancing, of how he smiled a little brighter thinking about a new, awesome choreography he saw, of how excited he got when he talked about this new movie he watched recently or that new song he found. He took note of how, despite talking plenty, Jisung always let him share his thoughts as well.

But when most of the food was gone and they were starting to get restless, Chenle offered to play tag. Jisung agreed immediately.

A game of rock-paper-scissors declared Jisung the first It, and with that, they set off.

Chenle was screeching his usual high-pitched laugh as he ran away and chased Jisung throughout several rounds of tag, feeling as happy as ever.

Though, eventually his energy was running low. He was chasing Jisung, trying to tag him, and he was so, so close.

Just a little bit more.

He grabbed the back of Jisung’s shirt but the sudden movement caught Jisung off guard and he stumbled.

It was enough for Chenle to lose his footing, too, and so down they both went.  
Chenle landed on his back with a groan, and Jisung had been quick enough to catch himself from crushing the older underneath him but his sharp angles still dug into Chenle's body uncomfortably.

But the Chinese boy still smiled, despite his heavy breathing and the unplanned fall and Jisung on top of him. “You're it, Jisung-ah.”

“Uh-huh.”

Jisung stared down at Chenle, and Chenle stared back.

God, he was so much prettier up close.  
His strong jaw, his chubby cheeks, his cute, little nose, his gorgeous eyes, his perfect eyebrows, the way his hair fell into his face just right, the tiny birthmark under his lip-

Chenle's eyes stopped wandering and settled on that small, soft mouth of his.

His breath hitched.

So caught up in thoughts about him, he hadn't noticed Jisung leaning closer.

And then Jisung pressed his lips against Chenle's.

The Chinese boy’s eyes widened but he didn't pull back. Slowly, he relaxed and found that it was very, very nice like this. The butterflies in his tummy fluttered more violently than ever before.

He was about to press back until he felt something wet swipe across his bottom lip. He tore their kiss apart and pushed Jisung away. Chenle repressed a gag and furiously wiped at his mouth with his sleeves.

The butterflies had suddenly turned into a stampede of rhinos, turning all of his insides into a bloody mush.

“What the fuck, Jisung?!”

The younger looked at his date with big eyes, scared and worried. “Lele, I'm sorry- I thought- I know I'm inexperienced but that is how people kiss, right? Did I do something wrong?” His bottom lip wobbled and his eyes were glassy.

Chenle scoffed. Of course. _Of course_ Jisung wanted that. And Chenle could never deliver. He could never give him what he wanted. Why did he ever think that maybe Jisung was different? He should know better by now, because look where it got him.

“Maybe it's best to not see each other again.” Chenle's heart broke as the words left his mouth. “I'm sorry.”

He hesitated for a moment before he turned around to pick up his bag and go back home. That he left the blanket was the least of his worries.

 

The next day, Jeno and Renjun had been more than ready to scold Chenle about the fact that he hadn't texted, but all of their annoyance melted away when they saw the state he was in.

Chenle had puffy eyes, a permanent frown set on his face. He was uncharacteristically quiet as well, most of what left his mouth were deep sighs.

“Le,” Jeno started carefully during their break, “did something happen yesterday?”

Chenle gulped and nodded slightly as he pushed his food around in his bowl. “I messed up.” His voice was raspy from disuse and crying. “I messed up big time.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The youngest thought it over. “I'd like to. But not here. Are you free after school?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure.”

 

The three walked to Chenle’s home in silence, the youngest in the middle.

They greeted the maid when they arrived, each took something to eat and drink and went up to Chenle's bedroom, where they plopped down on the huge bed.

Chenle was halfway through his first bite of ice cream when Renjun spoke up. “Alright, spill. What went so horribly wrong yesterday?”

Chenle deflated into a miserable pile of sweater. “Jisung kissed me. And I reacted badly.” He took a breath. “And I said something I shouldn't have.”

“Hold up, hold up. Let's start from the beginning. Jisungie _kissed_ you?”

Chenle nodded. “It was nice at first. But… but then…” He cleared his throat as he recalled the unpleasant feeling, trying to keep the disgust from his face. “He uhm…”

“Used tongue?” Renjun finished for him, an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, that. And I freaked. It was just as bad as I thought it'd be and it made me gag. Like, who _does_ that?” He took some more bites of his ice cream to calm himself down. “I… I told him it'd be better to not see each other again.” His voice trembled. “God, I'm such an idiot.” Tears rolled down his cheeks as he hung his head in shame.

“Oh, Le…” Jeno pulled the crying boy against his chest. “You really messed up.”

Renjun joined in on the hug. “You have to tell Jisung, Le. Otherwise things will only get worse.”

“But you don't get it,” Chenle mumbled. “I knew I was gonna disappoint him from the moment we started dating, so it's better this way. Now he can find someone who can give him what he wants.”

“Zhong Chenle, look at me.” Renjun sat back with his arms crossed, a stern look on his face. He continued when the boy peeked over Jeno's arms. “I don't want to hear that kind of self-deprecating anymore, you understand? I know it's tough. Trust me, I know what it feels like. But you can't discredit yourself and Jisung like that. You are amazing, and your asexuality is a part of you. It's just as amazing as you. And you haven't even told Jisung. From what I've seen and heard about him, he holds you very dear, Le. He wouldn't just give you up because of that. You have to give him a chance.”

Chenle sniffled and wiped his eyes. “Sorry, ge. It's just- it's hard.”

Renjun softened. “We know. We're here for you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah. Thank you.” He looked at his two older friends, hoping to convey just how  
grateful he was to them.

 

Days went by and Chenle still hadn't talked to Jisung - or even made a plan on how. He was scared to see Jisung's reaction. However, deciding not to talk to him meant that Chenle was still miserable. So when his friends asked him to go somewhere after school “because you seem like you could use a distraction” (Renjun's words) he agreed with a shrug.

They bought hotteok from a street vendor and ate them at an empty playground while talking about this and that.

That was, until Renjun waved some people over.

Chenle looked over and saw Donghyuck and an uncomfortable looking Min approach, and a head of blond hair poking out behind them.

He glared at Jeno, who had the decency to look sheepish before he got up. “You need to talk things out. You’re both wearing us down.”

Chenle knew he was right. But that didn't mean they had to go behind his back. This was betrayal of the highest form.

Renjun happily greeted the newcomers and pulled Donghyuck aside when they were close enough. As they walked away, he shot Chenle a look and threatened in Mandarin, “You two are not leaving until you talked it all out, get it?”

Chenle swallowed and glanced at Jeno for help, but he announced he'd take Jaemin home so he could change out of his dress and into something more fitting for how he felt.

“Can I uhm… can I sit here?” Chenle nodded, not daring to look Jisung in the eye.

The younger took place on the empty swing and Chenle felt his heart clench, as if it was trying to disappear into itself. He was not ready for confrontation.

They sat in a heavy silence. Breathing was getting harder every passing second. Chenle fiddled with his watch, trying to think of something to say. In the end he settled on a quiet “I'm sorry.”

“Why did you run?” Jisung asked just as quietly.

“I… was scared and caught off guard, and I let my insecurities get the best of me.” He glanced at Jisung from the corner of his eyes and the worry written all over the younger’s face was almost worse than rejection. Chenle took a deep breath to calm his frayed nerves. His hands were sweaty.

“Jisung-ah, I'm… I’m asexual. I don't get sexually attracted to anyone, and on top of that the idea of doing things... like that gross me out to no end.” His voice was shaky by now but he continued anyway. “So when… when you kissed me like that, I…” he looked for the right words, “felt very uncomfortable. I know it's not normal to react that way, and I was so sure you'd hate me, I thought-”

“Hyung,” Jisung cut in.

Chenle's head snapped up and he almost burst into tears right then and there. Jisung looked at him with such overwhelming softness and understanding.

“I get it, hyung. And I could never hate you over something like that. I just wished you'd told me sooner so this wouldn't have happened. I kinda missed you, you know?” His cheeks were tinted pink as he mumbled the last bit.

“You… don't hate me? You'd still date me?”

“If you'd still let me,” Jisung smiled slightly, just the corners of his mouth curling up. “I like you for your personality, Lele. Not because we might, y’know,” he flailed his arms, gesturing at nothing, “someday.”

“Really?” A smile was creeping unto Chenle's face as well.

“Really,” Jisung stated. “And I'll keep telling you until you believe it yourself.”

“That's cool. Because I really like you a lot.” The Chinese boy blushed and looked away. His heart was contracting fiercely for a whole other reason now.

“Cool. Because I like you a lot, too.”

They looked at each other, both smiling brightly.

“Can… can I kiss you?” Chenle asked tentatively after a few moments.

“Of course. As long as you're comfortable with it.”

“Then just a peck.” Chenle leaned closer on the swing and softly pressed his lips to Jisung's before pulling back.

“That was nice. Can I kiss you back?”

Chenle nodded happily and they kissed again. Just a peck.

This was something they could get used to.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on my [tumblr](http://straytiny-n-ctzen.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/straytinynctzen) and don't forget to leave kudos and/or comments!


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